Timid
by Constant Distraction
Summary: Arwen faces childhood memories and decisions about Aragorn. Please review!


Disclaimer: Lord of the Rings belongs to Tolkien, and while I would like to own Aragorn, I don't.

Summary: Arwen faces childhood memories and her decisions about Aragorn.

A/N: Good ideas come when you're trying to sleep and have school the next day. History teacher is getting mad at me for writing fics in his class…but it's all worth it! Besides, I'm no longer bored in that class. Readers please note that this story takes place very early in the A/A relationship. Arwen's POV. The italics are Arwen's memories.

Thanks to my editor Amanda. There's no way I could do good fanfiction if I didn't have an honest friend who didn't tell me when my writing sucked. And thanks to my little reader, Anita. 

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I didn't want to jump.

Even now, as I look at the ledge and pond, the winter's bitter night breeze ruffling the water, I can still remember that hot day so many years ago. 

I came here to think, to clear my mind of thoughts of Aragorn and to consider my feelings in peace. But the memory of that day lingers here.

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It is the perfect day. My brothers have let me come with them on a hike. Normally they will not let me tag along, as I am their little sister, only about eight years of age by a mortal's terms. But today I can come.

I hurry to keep their pace. I am determined to be brave, fearless, and tireless so Elladan and Elrohir will let me hike with them more often. Just as I think I cannot keep up any longer, we stop. There before us is a pond. The summer heat makes the deep water look inviting. But my brothers do not dive in, as I expected. Instead they start on a trail that winds up the cliff face behind the cool pond. I suppose the cliff might have been a waterfall at one point, but it's just a dry cliff now. We walk steadily upward.

The cliff looks just as foreboding as it did that day, although now that I look at it through older eyes it looks more like a tall rocky hill than a cliff. It looms behind the pond, the taint to my perfect day years ago. My stomach turns as my mind continues to show me the next part of that day.

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When we get to a ledge in the cliff, Elrohir runs and leaps off it into the pond below. I hear his body hit the water beneath me. I stand with my back to the cliff, hands clutching at the smooth stone. Elladan jumps with a shout as I watch, to afraid of being yelled at to try and stop him.

He wouldn't have stopped anyway. The pond looked much more tempting than it does now, in the dark months of winter. In the summer it was beautiful. 

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I gather the courage to look down. The pond is so far below me. The cliff hadn't looked this high from the banks. My brothers are laughing and splashing below, and I ache to join them. But I fear I will be hurt if I jump. Death, almost unheard of in Elves, also crosses my mind.

I look timidly over the edge again. I don't want my brothers to think I'm not old enough to do things with them, but I can't bring myself to jump. I begin to sob, pulling myself up against the cliff face and huddling there.

I remember how helpless I was, how much I hated that ledge for making me that way. I had never felt so scared before.

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It seems like an eternity before Elrohir shouts at me from below. "Arwen! Jump down!"

"I can't," I bawl.

In minutes Elladan is leading me down the rocky trail. "Why couldn't you just make your stupid self jump?" he asks, disgusted.

"I'm sorry, I was too scared-" I blubber.

"So are you going to be to scared to be happy forever?" he starts cursing, making me cry harder.

I had hoped Elrohir would offer sympathy, but his mood was as foul as Elladan's. We walk home with my brothers cursing and insulting me as I continue to cry.

I ruined the perfect day.

The memory still pains me. Elladan and Elrohir have forgotten it, but it still haunts me. I should not have come here. I can't think clearly while the ledge stares cruelly from above. It reminds me that I am a coward.

It can't hurt to tread that path again, so I can uncloud my head long enough to make a decision. I begin to walk upward.

Aragorn. I have known him for a few months. We are the best of friends, but I desire maor than friendship from him. I know this is foolish, for he is a Man and I an Elf. I think I may love him. Yet I don't want him to know. What if he doesn't love me? I do not dare risk our friendship.

I can't stand to think of Aragorn with another maiden. I'm jealous when he so much as laughs with other women, when our hearts have not been pledged and I have no right to feel this way.

I come to the ledge and step near the end. I peer down to the pond. The cliff is as high as it was thousands of years ago. It still scares me. 

Do I tell Aragorn I love him? I wonder. Like leaping off this ledge it is risky, and the thought terrifies me. 

I want to cling to the cliff face as I did years ago, huddle helplessly until someone guides me home. But I must face the ledge and my decision alone.

I look at the pond below, seeing the moonlight reflect off its icy waters and imaging Aragorn's gray eyes.

"So are you going to be to scared to be happy forever?" Elladan had asked.

Am I?

Am I too timid to jump? Too timid to give my heart away?

I stand frozen, looking down at the clam water, my mind waging a battle, then finally leaving me at peace.

I jump.

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Did ya like it? Please review! I love reviewers!


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